Model Employee: One Model Down and Who Can Stand the Heat?

I went on vacation so we are going to double up on recaps.  We start with Aspen feeling terrible that she blew her MVP event, and it throws everyone into a tizzy to study up on their Mandalay Bay history.  Jasmine, Shah and Johanna are all laughing with each other and they basically say they aren't worried about Brittney because she's a huge ditz.  They have fun at the pool until the afternoon where Kurt comes in with some regulation bikinis and tennis shoes.

Model Employee: As You Wish

Sadly the high rollers get the special treatment as they are the concierge for the hotel.  Aspen and Alexis are the team leaders, and the teams have an hour to complete as much as possible.  Of course the whole brown M&Ms thing comes up.  They don't blink an eye, and also drag $250 dollars in pennies across the casino floor.  They take a goldfish for a walk, and someone loses their shoes like a $3.00 whore in the casino.

Now, it's common to see a girl at the end of the night lose her shoes and walk back barefoot.  But not a model.  But, to be fair, the walk from the hotel room to the Shark Reef is far.

They go to a Hispanic dollar store to search for party decorations for a ten year old boy.  One team goes generic, the other goes with Superheroes, because you are a fool if you aren't into superheroes.

In the "deliberation" room, Aspen is bringing the pain.  Shah spoke Spanish in the store, so that wins her some points.  Brit didn't want to hurt the fish, but she gets in trouble for taking her shoes off.  The Blue team wins, making Aspen the MVP.  The other MVP is Shah.  The winning team gets access to the Freedom Party and the MVPs get to interview at the red carpet for the Hoodie awards. 

Rudeness ensues when they trick Shah into taking shots before her Hoodie Awards interview the next day.  It goes a little too far and Shah goes batshit crazy.  Everyone does actually feel bad about it, but are concerned she's a little cray.

Aspen actually messes up who Judge Mathis is, which is strange to me.  I mean, model's are out of work sometimes, don't they watch daytime TV?  Sadly it doesn't sound good for Aspen, but next week someone is FINALLY getting eliminated!  Let's get this freaking started by golly!

Model Employee: Swimming with Sharks

We open with Kurt the Actor/Butler said that they are getting out of the Vegas heat and into a movie theater in the Penthouse lounge.  Jassmine is cranky because she isn't sleeping, and curses about it.

They watch a movie that turns out to be a shark tank, and one part of the teams get to clean the Reef with all the Sharks swimming about.  The other part of the team gets to cut up rats and squid and actually feed the sharks.

There is a lot of fighting about which part of the team gets which.  Shannone prays because she's so scared.  They are wearing protective gear, so they are fine.  But they are still all freaked out.  The other part of the team is weighing, or not weighing, fish to feed to the sharks.  One team is hogging the scale, so the other team just guestimates what will be needed.

The diving team is losing their shit because "they saw Jaws."  Really?  You and the rest of America.  People do this everyday, we don't hear about any shark attacks.  They aren't going to let you die, you are on a reality show.

They finally take to the water and start collecting the stray shark teeth that have sunk to the bottom of the take, and the feeder teams are chopping up rats.  Alexis loses her shit because she's afraid of rats.  I'd rather swim with sharks personally.  Shah is enjoying it, and I just threw up in my mouth a little.

They are trying to feed the sting ray, but it runs off, so they are worried they won't be finishing the challenge.  Back at the room Britany is made fun of for punking out on the diving.

Back at the non-elimination room, everyone is nervous.  They praise Johanna and Sonya for interviewing the crazy brand last week.  They tell Aspen that she is quiet, and she finally breaks down and starts crying.  To call her stupid and then ask what's wrong...what do you think?

After the commercial break Aspen explains it's hard to stand in front of them after their harsh comments.  Britany makes a point about keeping it together in front of the judges.  The misweighing of the fish on the feeder team causes some drama.  Also they didn't feed the stingrays and admitted it. 

Aspen gets high marks, Shannone gets commended for facing her fear.  Britany gets called out on not starting her period, however her team still wins.  They get a photo shoot for Mandalay Bay.

After the judging Britnay raises the drama up a notch with a fight about how she got called a liar.  I can sort of understand that she *might* have started her period that day, but just take a chance and take one for the team.

The winning team goes to their photo shoot.  Johanna is first up, she's fab as usual.  Britnay is next up, she's not sexy, even though that's what they keep asking for.  They give her a ball, she plays with it like a kid.  The photographer was a bit of a jerk to her though.  Shah gets a fun massage/showgirl/Elvis photoshoot.  She loses her top like a champ.  Shannone is having fun with her shoot, and she looks great.  They do a group shot at the end, and the judges are impressed.  Which is sad, because that's what they normally do guys.  This is like a messed up version of NPR's "That's Not My Job" from "Wait Wait Don't Tell Me."

The girls go out to Mix, which is very pretty as far as a club goes.  Shah is tired and getting a little delirious.  Everyone interviews that she's always been a little weird, but honestly the editing didn't see it until now.

Again, everyone is still here, and next week they work concierge and apparently drug Shah.  How long are they going to keep everyone around?  This whole show is totally weird.  Someone explain it to me.

Model Employee: Taking Out the Trash

Like all current reality shows, this one did a "previously on" so long we could've skipped the whole last episode.  The girls are all spoiled models, they tricked them into this competition where they basically do dirty jobs instead of the spokesmodeling position they'll be hired for.  The whole time the people who run Mandalay Bay try and make this sound like it's necessary for the job that most likely won't even exist by the end of the show.

Last weeks winners get to go to Thunder From Down Under, where they drink and have a Vegas experience, so I'm sure someone will look bad about that later, because if you ask the Execs that's not the wholesome family values that we like to cater to here.  Even though that show runs in a casino owned by the same company as Mandalay Bay.

The next morning Kurt the Actor/Butler brings in some clothes for them.  Someone asks if they are valeting, and boy do I wish that was what they were doing.  Kurt says to put on the construction type outfits and be downstairs at the docks in an hour.  The girls do put there hair up, but also get into full makeup.

Britany isn't worried about this new task, which is sorting the recycling for the casino.  Everyone's good friends Republic Services is there to oversee the process, and Johanna says at this point she doesn't know if she wants to be there, her agency would never sign her up for something like this.  At least she's with a good agency.

They are separated into 2 teams and start sorting.  Patrick Miller, VP of Marketing of MB, explains how important it is that they are experiencing this job.  No dude, it's important to make them go through this to make a good show.  You'd never put anyone through this really.

Britany is wandering around again, and they way that everyone talks about it, it does seem like that is really happening and not edited to make her look bad.  Sonja is pissed she's stuck with the slow bus Britney, and she does seem to make this excuse about makeup in her eye.  Alexis says "I don't think she's faking it, I just think........she's a pansy."  Alexis, I heart you.  Even the medic said he wasn't used to treating make up in the eye.

Everyone gets back into the swing of things after that, and Shah says "This smells like old Filet Minon!"  Johanna says in an interview that it smells like trash and to knock it off.  At first I wanted to know how she even knows what old Filet Minon smells like, but then I remember that models don't eat, but they do like to order expensive things.  At least, that's what I learned from watching that "Head over Heels" movie.  Everyone is glad to be done finally.  Jassmine is the only one who doesn't shower after the trash fest, and that's just wrong. 

In the elimination room, they go over last week's horrorfest wine tasting.  No one has stayed here before, but they want to be the face without having to do any footwork, which is sad.  Then a bomb gets dropped.  Patrick says that one of them doesn't have the "look" they are searching for.  Turns out all of the Mandalay Bay Execs have this disorder where they don't see piercings on people unless they actually get close to representing their brand.  Jassmine is put on the spot and basically demanded to remove her piercings or leave the competition.   She's a very good sport about it, but I don't agree with it at all.  This is Vegas.  No one would even notice if there was a hole in her face or not. Vegas is selling a brand of fun and being carefree.  But the Execs are still from Utah I guess.

Jimmy calls Britany out on her slowness, but then praises her and tells her that she is his favorite.  Everyone is floored that she's getting away with being lazy.  One of my favorites Johanna gets MVP, but not without bringing up last week, because they can't let her even have a moment of happiness.

The winning team gets a cabana at The Beach at MB, where Aspen is upset about the judges calling her stupid, which was pretty rude of them.  Back at the hotel room there is a sad phone call to a child, and Shah talks her down, but it gets edited to her being bitchy sadly.

The MVP's are getting ready to interview Steel Panther, some band that refuses to let 80's hair bands die.  Turns out Apsen's boyfriend started the band before it was that name, and she knows all the guys.  Now she is super pissed she didn't win.

Kurt delivers the MVP's to the shoot for the M Life.  Sonja is choking a little bit, but they get through it and then go upstairs to the Foundation Room to do the interview with the band.  For those of you following along, that's where all the cool pictures of the strip are taken;

Steel Panther takes over the interview, and all my ANTM training kicks in and I wish I could come through the screen and tell them they need to put the guys in their place and get in a good interview.  If all the information was really in their packet, they should have stepped it up.  However, lets be real here.  This is for the channel that you switch right after turning on the TV.  They turn it around and nail it, so they are good to go.

Abruptly the episode ends.  No elimination, no resolution.  Maybe someone will get the boot next week....?

Model Employee: Taking the Catwalk out of the Model

Y'all, I love model competitions.  This one has supermodel Chrissy Teigen, and it turns out these ladies are competing to be "The Face of Mandalay Bay."  Sadly that's not really a thing, but let's pretend for a minute that it's all good.

The twist to this is that they will be working the entry level jobs at Mandalay Bay to win  the non-existent prize.  Models don't do "work" so this will be an interesting show.

The first job up is to clean off the tables after a giant banquet held in one of the halls of the convention center.  The hideous carpet really gives the room away.  The Voice Over guy is really being mean about the models having their "first hour of work in their lives" when they spring on the girls that they are also going to wash all the dishes.

I'm going to level with you.  I'm not a model, but I would've walked off that show if they expected me to wash dishes.  When I was 16 I was a buser at a seafood buffet, and just carrying the plates to the back and dumping them was enough to put me off all fish until my mid-twenties.

These girls are better than me, because no one quits.  They do their share of complaining for sure, and they are watched and sort of evaluated on how they are cleaning dishes, and I just don't know if I'd want anyone judging me on how I wash dishes.  I just bought a new dishwasher that does all the work for me, so I would never touch that kind of stuff.

To be fair, they are living in a nice hotel room on the 61st floor, and they are giving them good food like lobster.  They seem to be nicer to each other, but the catty comes out quick enough.  One of the girls states she needs to get into "comfy heels" and I hate her already.

The next day their judges are revealed to be the Orbitz girl, Jimmy Smith, and the VP of Marketing, all of which were in attendance yesterday observing them "cleaning."  Chuck Bowling, the President of Mandalay Bay, is the one who makes the final choice however.  He says they need a spokesperson who needs to know about everything firsthand, which I guess is the whole point of this show.

Johanna is featured the most in this episode, for her loud mouth and big hair.  I sort of like her myself, but the judges don't have much to say in the way of nice.  Shannone, Aspen, Jasmine, and Alexis are the top ones, therefore they get to go to a wine tasting, and the rest get to be waitresses at the tasting.

The wine tasting is at Aureole in MB, home of the wine angels.  The top models fumble as they are called upon to actually know something about the resort.  They don't even wax poetic about it being an "Oasis of gaming and fun" they just stumble.  To be fair, the execs they are chatting up are annoying boring and stuck up.  The bottom get to be wine angels, and they basically freak out over doing it instead of having fun.

No one gets eliminated until next week, so stay tuned!

Guest Post: Grouchy John’s Coffee: Casino Boy’s Pick for Cheap Vegas Coffee

This article was written by Ariel Abbott,  Editor of CheapoVegas.com

Casino Boy is no coffee snob, but he is a caffeine junkie who’s very familiar with a hangover and how to cure it. His new local Las Vegas favorite for curing that long night out and unlimited drinks at the tables? Grouchy John’s Coffee. Not only does it have a suitable name for Casino Boy considering he’s always grouchy in the morning after a late night out (and typically just grouchy in general), but the coffee taste great whether he’s  sippin’ on a regular cup of Joe or one of their specialty drinks. Here’s why Vegas visitors should try Grouchy John’s Coffee shop in Las Vegas, Casino Boy’s favorite spot for a caffeine fix in Sin City:

For those staying at Vegas hotels on the Strip, a Starbucks may be closer and more convenient, but don’t sell your wallet or your palate short. Grouchy John’s Coffee will give you that kick to get yourself back onto the saddle and ready for another round at the casino or that long drive home from Vegas, and it tastes darn good too. Plus, stick it to the man and help out a small local business while saving money in Vegas at the same time with their cheap Vegas coffee. Grouchy John’s bagels and assortment of pastries and sweets will definitely help soak up any booze from the night before, and pair it with a coffee and you’ll be good to go take on another day in Sin City. Casino Boy’s favorite order at Grouchy John’s Coffee in Las Vegas: Fat free & Sugar free Salted Caramel Cappuccino (yeah, even Casino Boy is trying to hit that goal weight for the Las Vegas hotel pools this summer), or the Almond Roca Mocha on his cheat day.

With the drive through, Casino Boy doesn’t even have to feel embarrassed that he’s still in the same clothes from the night before, and they even give out dog treats if you have your pooch with you! They already had Casino Boy’s heart with their cheap Vegas prices, but give his best friend a free Vegas treat and there’s no way Casino Boy is ever going back to Starbucks. Plus, despite the name of the coffee shop and Casino Boy’s throbbing headache from too many glasses of whiskey on the rocks, the friendly baristas even started to put Casino Boy in a good mood. The cheapo that he is, the low Vegas prices at this coffee shop are what topped it all off for Casino Boy as his favorite Vegas spot for breakfast in Vegas and a caffeine kick. 

The article that made me say "I'm done with Vegas Seven"

A Facebook friend posted an article from Vegas Seven the other day titled "100 Things Every Las Vegan Should Know."  It starts out so promising;

There are millions of facts about this town that are nice to know, but we’ve reduced it down to the 100 that you should know if you’re going to live here longer than a few weekends a year. Read them, internalize them, and see if they don’t make you feel a little more attached to this place than you did when you came in.

 I geared up for what seemed like a great article.  But then number one was about how far away Reno was.  I know people who grew up in Vegas who have no idea how far away Reno is.  For all they know it's on the other side of Mt. Charleston.  They don't care.  They don't need to care.  It is not something that anyone really needs to know to get by in Vegas.

It goes downhill from there, with number 10 being about ragweed allergies.  You only have to be in town a week before you realize your allergies here are worse than anywhere else on the planet.  It's amazing anything grows here that you'd be allergic to, but it's a Las Vegas Miracle!

Number 17 is "We actually like our heat dry, so go roll your eyes someplace else. Try Orlando."  Apparently, the Vegas Seven Staff speaks for everyone.  Not only do they think you should know everything in their article, but they also want to tell you how to think you like your heat.  A little water in the air never hurt anyone, and a lot of people might just need to know that the lack of humidity could end in a lot of medical problems.  #1 on this list would be "You need to drink more water than you think."

Number 27 talks about how awesome it is that we have cheap, yet admittedly awful, transportation.  That's like saying that supermarket sushi is going to make you sick, but at least it was only $7.00 to get sick.

There are a lot of history points they cover that I never knew, but also doesn't have any relevancy to living in Las Vegas now.  It's not really the type of place where history is going to repeat itself.  Unless you count blowing up casinos and rebuilding.  I'm not sure that's going to stop.

 The very last one is that Reno sucks.  I really wish that the coward had put their name on this article, because I'd really like to ask them if they have ever even visited Reno.  I'd like to know exactly what sucked about it.  Was it the beautiful mountains and Lake Tahoe, where you can beach it in the summer and have some of the best skiing in the winter?  Is it the fact that they have a local community and culture, and it's not difficult to make friends?  If this is a UNLV/UNR issue, then we have a longstanding history of hating each other, however we are still all Nevadans. We need to stick together and support each other, not cut each other down.

The Five Things You Really Need to Know about Living in Vegas In This Century:

1. Your eyesight will decline rapidly due to the harsh sunlight and the rays reflecting off of everything.  Always wear your sunglasses with UV protection.  Even then you are doomed.

2. Welcome to dehydration.  Your skin, hair, everything is going to be dry.  Embrace taking a water bottle full of filtered water everywhere you go, even in the winter.   Don't drink from the tap, that stuff is terrible.

3. Learn to love the Strip.  A lot of people live here and take pride in the fact that they never go down to the Strip.  It is a marvel and we are lucky to live so close to it, for however long you choose to stay.  In my opinion, that's like living in Hawaii and taking pride in never going to the beach or learning how to surf.  Move to a farm in Ohio if you don't care about that stuff.  Why are you here?

4. It's going to be very difficult to make friends here.  I will give Vegas Seven that this was number 71 on the list.  People learn quickly that it sucks and they move.  They are very flaky because they always feel something more exciting will come along later, so don't be surprised when they want to go to midnight bowling and then don't show up.  If you can't beat them, join them.  Have backup plans ready every Saturday.

5. The Goodmans are the most fun you are going to have with politics.  Enjoy it while they are still in office.